Seldom does my day allow for simultinaity of trait, where I get to be a queer woman and autistic at the same time.
Performatively, as a person behaving in a world on display, I’m here and queer, attempting to navigate a community finding itself, or, autistic, explaining I need clarity over and over, asking, asking to get a grip on generalities.
Everyone has their opinion on generalities, and their opinion on queer, and never do the disparate meet!
Queer Culture is schriven, thus, too used to being dubbed queer it doesn’t know how dramatically normal it is, for human as human does, the heart wants what the heart wants, regardless of attraction, physicality, or trope.
Goddess forbid one seek clarity of Queer Culture, for the game is rigged by old habit of hiding and secrets, so no one talks things out. Clarity be damned, self reflection found wanting.
The irony where self reflection is lacking in a Queer Culture suffuse with passion of spirit is not lost. The fight for personhood one assumes drips of self reflection.
Reflection of passion however seems to only get as far as queer gets. Queer stops at gender, attraction, and gets stuck before reflecting over to the how, life management, do or do not, boundaries.
Wanting without details is creamed ice, without flavor or drizzle. Queer forgot self hood of complexity after finding it Other.
Queer does not mean secret handshakes and ritualistic gazes.
Ooh, Queer is Different! Ah, but, as saints, kings and paupers alike, queer dresses in clothes, defacates into sewers, still has human quality to manage.
The gazes, rituals, never really meant what anyone thought they meant anyway, so they didn’t really communicate much either, so, never mind.
Persecution stunts reflection, yes, fear, fear, 😱, but, folks, clarity sets all free.
Years, decades, centuries later, but one must exist beyond mere substance to essence. Try, attempt reflection.
Autistics, queer alongside you, and varied queer hearts, too, will sing praise of your courage of self care and boundaries. Of queer beyond other, simultaneous to human, to light, dark, tawny auburn, individual, diverse, pouting and normal.
Queers, combine your personhood, have courage to intersect yourself back together again, for Queer is here, and demons cannot possess thee, for a human soul lives in all things regardless of fickle, crass, fledgling opinion.
So, I shall, too, merge once more, queer and autistic, both.