Anam Cara: Autistic in Love

In a chat group thread with fellow Neurodivergent Folk this week past, someone asked what is a wee Autistic to do to find and maintain romantic love.

Love abides.

My particular self cherishes the concept of a Soul Friend, Anam Cara in a Celtic tongue: A singular partner for a lifetime of goodness shared and rockiness coped, together. I necessarily understand that such requires diligent effort and utter honest communication.

Indeed, Anam Cara is not just companionship of romantic passion and titillating ardor but also expansive to our dear friendships, in this, too, I seek that which abides, and so, too, straight talk and honest living is what companionship is made of.

Real Talk: Anam Cara, a dear lover, is no magic mystery with games to play nor codes of conduct to bear.

As friends do, lovers also do.

The difference is a love of kind, no more, attraction of a different hue, still beautiful.

All Relationships Require the Following:
• Clear & Plain Communication
• Kindness & Honesty
• Consent & Agreement

But, you may ask, who calls who first after the date, and…. Who pays for what.. Who holds what door… Blah! No!


“I would love to call you sometime. May I call you (date and time)?”

Honor the answer. Compromise with it. Clear & Plain. Consent & Agree.

“I would love to call you.” Kind & Honest. Also, vulnerable, too. Admitting interest takes courage. Be courageous.

“But,” you may ask, “what if they don’t like it?”

Be Honest & Kind to yourself and leave them behind.

No one is worth your effort or time if they can’t respect you by being Clear & Plain in Communication, Kind & Honest in Interaction or Consent & Agree in Compromise.

All the details of how to this or what if that truly titrate down into these simple yet profound ideas. Simple in that they are forthright. Profound in that they take great strength and virtue to bear.

Indeed, the world loves its symbolic play with supposition and hints and mysteries, and posits so much seeming fun in playing games that many folk think the play is the facts of how, which is a lie.

And, the lie of games and play and hint and innuendo pervade due to everyone being terrified of exposure, of being vulnerable, of like and passion being seen, for the world shows itself unkind to the courageous and unique.

Superficial is False Safety with Shallow Meaning.

If you want that, well, there are many games for you to play. Have at that annoyance. Bon chance.

If you want real, profound deep love and connection, Be Vulnerable.

In seeking depth and soul, love abides, as does hope, where faith is our greatest challenge.

I choose the passionate promise of eternity and seek via Virtue my dearest Anam Cara.

What may you?

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